Hard Knocks: 1667 Summit

About a week ago, I hit the halfway point of my Junior year of college. More recently, the fine residents of 1667 Summit St experienced our 2nd run-in with the bum that we believe sporadically attempts to live on our roof and/or fire escape. The 1st encounter occurred on the night after finals ended Fall quarter, when our friend Julie walked out onto the fire escape at 3 am and found herself face-to-face with a disheveled looking man who introduced himself as "William". Needless to say, the police were called, and the big flattened box he had conceivably been blocking the wind with was disposed of. The best part about all of this is that for weeks, we had been hearing noises from above our kitchen, and repeatedly referenced the unspeakable acts that squirrels and raccoons must have been committing inside our walls. The creepiest part of all of this is that we found one of my t-shirts in a frozen wad up on the roof. So, there's that.

Where I'm going with all of this is that, at the halfway point, I think we've managed to cram more insanity into one household than I thought would be possible in an entire year. Heads smashed through cabinet doors. Bums stealing laptops. "Meezys" on the roof while singing Tenacious D to the neighborhood. UDF Deep Freezes at any hour of the night. Case races? How about keg races. Face-punching, mailbox-smashing, fungus-growing, literature-discussing goodness. Dishwasher? No, thanks, I'd rather let a bit of old meat sit in the sink and see how long it takes for maggots to appear. (Note- they do spontaneously generate, right?)

I think at this point, I can't really be surprised by anything. After all, these are the same people who signed up for a 1:15 am Thursday (aka Wednesday night, for those of you under 50) time slot for D-league intramural hockey. So...the rest of the year? In the words of the great Frank Reynolds, "It's gonna get real weird". The only question that remains is, can the rest of this year possibly be as depraved as the first half? I, for one, have faith. In light of this country's current Administration, one remarkably appropriate phrase comes to mind: Yes, we can. Yes, we can. Yes, we can.

The Gentlemen of 1667 Summit